Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Uncanny Truth about Motherhood- part 2 Miscarriages

A baby!! Yeah!! or were we?? When I was pregnant with booger #2, because of my diagnosed condition, PCOS, or Poly cystic ovarian syndrome, I was on medication to keep this pregnancy. But I had only been diagnosed with this, maybe five months before. So before this pregnancy I had gotten that positive test, I had known that I was pregnant, and for reasons unbeknownst to me, I miscarried. My first pregnancy was actually a miscarriage.
I did one of the stupidest things (lesson now learned) in my life. We were what??? 8 weeks pregnant. We told EVERYONE!! I was soo excited! I can’t remember now if I had gone in already and seen the heartbeat or if this was my first time. It’s all a blur to me now and I have probably blocked that part out of my memory because well, it was tragic for me. It will be tragic for anyone. I wouldn’t wish in on my worst enemy. I mean, I don’t have any,right??, but if I did, I would NEVER want anyone to go through with one. They are the worst. Period. I honestly can’t say that I have gone through any thing worse emotionally, then wanting a baby so bad, and then having a miscarriage.
Ok, so back to my happy self, going into the Dr. I was supposed to be 12 weeks along. Well, with a sonogram, the baby measured 9 weeks. I didn’t get it. I wasn’t hearing what the nurse was telling me. “Oh, so I am not a far as long as I thought I was.” That’s weird but, OK. There was no movement, there was no heartbeat. I don’t even know what she was telling me, again, it’s been blocked out. I do know that She said, you have two choices, You can wait for your body to naturally pass this, or you can have a DNC. A what?? I had no idea what that was?
No, you just missed the heartbeat, I was thinking it my head. My baby’s alive in there. God wants me to have a baby, he wants us to have a family, my baby is fine.

Nurse: “You can call and schedule the surgery or we can do it for you?”
Me:“What surgery?” (still I guess in denial/ not getting it)
Nurse: “The DNC.”
Me: "Oh, I don’t think I need, one, I’ll just wait.” Still stunned, shocked, I had no idea what she was telling me, and as I got into my crayon smelling car, I sat there and I guess it hit me. I started bawling. This was just not your typical cry, cry, oh poor me, This was hysterics, you know where you can’t breathe, snot’s coming out your nose crying. I guess I was understanding now. It was real.
I think I called DH first. I don’t remember. I told him that they said I needed surgery, but I wasn’t going to get it. Everything was going to be Ok. She just couldn’t find the heartbeat. I think I called my mom next. (meaning, I don’t know if I called second or first, but the call went similar to the one with my husband.) She asked if I needed her? How I was doing? What was I going to do? All ?’s that I had no idea what the answer was. All through the questions I think I just sat there numb.
What I do remember was coming home and my main booger talking with my mom and them scheduling the DNC for me the next day. Arrangements were being made for my mom and sister to come down and take me to the surgery, since DH was still in college at had to be at classes. At this point in my life, I had no idea what the mother/child bond was all about. I had no idea why my mother would drive 12 hours to just take me to the hospital and be with me for a few days. I had no idea what it was like to be a mother and see your child in so much pain. I know that I was glad that she did come. That they kept me company and made sure I was Ok. Back then, I thought it was a “nice gesture”. I had no idea what the heartstrings were, and that they were being tugged on by my mother. I was oblivious about this at that point in my life but I would soon come to know what my mom was feeling.
Miscarriages are not fun. They are not anticipated. But one thing I do know, is that once you have one, and others know about it, you start to hear that they do occur. That many other women experience them. You never hear of them before, or at least I hadn't, but once you have one, people come out of the woodwork, letting you know how they feel, and that everything will be alright.
I wish that I would have known before hand what one would entail, but maybe some things are better not known. Maybe some things, but for me, not these. You have to know that miscarriages are real. You may never experience one, I hope and pray that you don’t, but if you do. You WILL make it through! You will be happy again. You will probably get pregnant and have a baby someday, but in that moment, in that sad time, when they say “There is no heartbeat, or there's not fetal pool.” You feel like your world has crumbled.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Uncanny Truth about Motherhood- Part Un (that’s the number one in French for those that never took French class, or didn’t pay attention)

Pregnancy Tests
You’ve just peed on that stick, or peed in the cup. As you wait and wait and wait for that plus sign to come through, or pink/purple stripe or whatever. The seconds now seem to feel like minutes. You wait and wait and imagine, “it’s that pink?? I think that’s “pink”. Or “I think I see the plus sign coming through;” For me, the second time around, sadly, those days were many. I should have invested in ept stock had I known how many of those bad boys I was going to go through. (BTW, tip #1, they sell those bad boys at the dollar store) NO, REALLY!! It’s true. I didn’t believe it either. I said, oh, yeah right, those can’t be REAL. There’s got to be something wrong with them. But once I was given this tad bit of info I said the famous line “How come nobody has ever told me this??" I decided to venture out and see. and sure enough, they’re there.

They aren’t as cute as the little sticks. It entails being more of a little scientist and sometimes it gets a little messy, but they do work and for a buck!! You can’t go wrong!
After two years of buying pregnancy tests, it was great to know, that I could get them for a buck and save me oodles of cash. I always said, “If” I get a positive, I will then go buy the more expensive ones just to make “sure” it's a real positive. Well, come to think of it, once that positive came through on the cheapy one, after so many negatives, I didn’t need a back-up. I knew it was true. The moment that I had been waiting for, was now surreal, This was really happening. This was really happening to me!! We were going to have a baby!!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Uncanny Truth about Motherhood- Intro

I’ve just had my second child. Ok, not just, now I’m sounding like my husband. But four months ago. There is an almost six year gap between my two boys. The 2nd one took a little bit longer than expected, so having such a big gap and forgetting most everything that has happened, you get a little refresher course when you experience your “firsts” again. I remember now, when I had booger #1 thinking “Wow, no one told me about this, or how come my mom never mentioned that”. Sound all too familiar?? If you are a mom, I bet it does. I have been experiencing these things again now with my newly arrived little booger, but this time, they seem a little sweeter. They are more enjoyable. I understand them better. The first time around, I was clueless. I thought I was educated, (I even got my bachelor’s degree in childhood education for pete’s sake- like that means anything though )and knowledgeable. I was not.(not that I am any more, now, but I do understand events a little bit more now or what to expect) and now that these precious moments that occur in your life and theirs, are just that, PRECIOUS!

I am going to do a little series Called, The Uncanny Truths about Motherhood. I have wanted to do it for awhile now. Write, blog, journal, call it what you will, about my experinces, life happeneings as a mom. I am by no means an expert, I'm not even good at being a mom, but I have experienced a few things and so I want to share. (Sharing is caring cuz we love the people. - Sorry had to through that in there, inside joke.) I guess there is a sitcom out there now, that is kinda like this. Is that still on, BTW?? I don't know, we don't have cable??
You know, those things that people just “forget” to tell you. Yeah, those things. You may have heard them before, and if you are a mom, than you know about them, but for one (almost 2) important people in my life. They don’t. So for them, I dedicate this and future blogs.

My best friend of 17 years, yes this one,

is having her first baby at 33. Not that 33 is by any means old, but after going through your teens and 20’s and being “by yourself” or “on your own”, I am pretty much gonna say that you are set in your ways a little bit. Maybe you thought you were never going to have children, maybe you thought,” Heck no!! I don’t what those little brats running around MY house. Maybe, just maybe, you didn’t think that it would ever happen for you, and maybe, so far it hasn’t, But maybe, someday it will.
I am hoping as I write things down, some of you, including my BFF, and newly engaged sister (which means there are babies someday, right Scraggs?) , will be able to approach some of these things that will happen in your life with more of a, “Uh, ok.” Or “That’s right, I remember Hope saying something about this.” Or , “This is sooooo cool. This may never happen again”, or the infamous “Someday, I am totally going to miss this”, rather than……”WTH??? What is going on with me??” “ Why am I feeling this way??” Or “Why is my child doing/ acting like this?”

I am a “straight shooter” as my main Booger would call me, just give it to me straight. Don’t sugar coat it. Maybe that’s why we clicked in the beginning??
Most things are going to come to you "straight up!!" No sugar coating included. So for some of you, introverted, shy, candy coated people, I want you to stick around, don’t be afraid, just brace yourselves for it.
You may hear words like; boobies, nipples, hemorrhoids, poop, farts, those sorts of things, because in pregnancy, child birth, and motherhood, these things are all entailed. It’s the whole package. The Full Monty. What ever you want to call it.

Sooooooo “Hold on to your hats and glasses, this here is the wildest ride in the West”

About Me

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Trying to savor the little moments in our lives that make the memories.