You realize just how much

You love your kids. Just how much you'll do for them, and your heartaches when one of them is hurting or in pain, and you can't do "anything" for them.

Last night we had a scare. A scare that I wouldn't and don't want to experience again.

It was bedtime and Bubba was getting ready for bed, wanted ANOTHER drink of water and I thought he was starting the excuses again, for procrastinating bedtime. He said something was in his throat, that he needed to drink to get it down.

I gave him a drink. Then he kept guzzling and guzzling and I said, OK, that's enough. He started to say he felt like he couldn't breathe. He said he was cold, and in a matter of minutes he went to full blown uncontrollable shaking. I said to my husband, he needs to go to the emergency room now. As we were getting clothes on him to go he said, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I think I'm dying. I yelled call 911 now!

My husband grabbed him and ran to the car and said, I'll get there faster than they can get here. And he left. I told him which hospital he had to go to, (we have a few around here) and they drove off.

I had just put the baby down about an hour before, or we would have all gotten in the car and gone.

The next hour, hour and a half seemed like forever. For the first hour I was preoccupied and didn't think much of it. Thinking he'll call me when they get settled. But then I called him and he didn't answer. I couldn't find his cell phone anywhere, so I assumed he had it on him. I called and called. Probably 10 times in 15-20 minutes. No answer. Then I started to panic. I have read many a blogs where people have lost their children and it makes me heart ache. I started thinking, Oh no, was this is preparation for me?? Was I lead to those to understand what it felt like?? I started thinking of all the times I've been "mean" to him. All the things that I have done as a mom, that weren't up to par. All of the emotions came back to me that I experienced when my husband was in a bad car accident, almost 3 years ago to date. There wasn't anything I could do, besides be there. Should I get the baby and go? There was only one thing that helped me that night. I decide it was time to pray. I couldn't freak out, I needed to be calm. I asked the girls that are on an internet group with me, to please pray for me and more importantly him. It was late at night and me being on the west coast, I knew not many were up. But enough responded, that I was feeling better and calm.

I kept calling my husband back and he answered. FINALLY!!! He told me it was what we had suspected. An allergic reaction to something. He was given Benadryl and something else, don't know?? And they watched him for awhile. He was given some prescriptions and was going to be discharged in a little while. They didn't think it was anything big, but we needed to watch him. I was soooo thankful. I was not ready for something to be wrong with my baby. I mean, if something did happen, I would be there and find the strength, but last night, I wasn't ready for anything bad to happen. I'm so grateful for prayer. Right now, more than ever, it helps me daily. I think it's how I get through my weeks. My days and it is definitely what allows me peace and comfort in these times. Bubba, I love you soo much. I am so thankful you are in my life and that you are here with me, right here, right now. Hugs and lots of kisses. Bear kisses. Butterfly kisses, and your favorite "zerberts." Mommy